Since artists are often discriminated against for our artsy good looks, I thought it would be helpful if we could name the reasons for them. So I am calling all women in the art world to 2 hours of grooming and 1 hour of exercise every day, and all men to 1 hour of grooming and 1 hour of exercise every day–yes, that means 7 days a week. Make sure to switch up your exercises to give each muscle group a rest day between strength training workouts. We will also be doing a weekly weigh-in. Hopefully, the DHHR will not be as mean to us when they understand that it is just a professional art requirement to look hot, and that we use a scientific method to achieve it.
Since the literary world’s degrees don’t matter anymore even though nobody forgave their college debt, it is important for us to get a competitive advantage over the people we don’t like because they don’t fit in–though their degrees are better than ours, mysteriously. So I am calling for the following terminal degrees for literary-related professions. First, we will get our BA in whatever interests us, in order to show our personality. Then we will get the MAs we need to be safe when the police refuse to care about us–for example an MA in Psychology plus an MA in Social Work. Finally, we will get these terminal degrees to prepare us for our actual careers (this does not include our day jobs)–so that the Government will read our emails. Make sure to put the degree in the subject line of your email.
- Small Independent Publisher: MA in World History of Books. Master’s Thesis will be available on website for $5 or less (plus shipping), or will be in either a University library or a public library.
- Large or International Publisher: MA in World History of Books and PhD in Publishing. Both Master’s Thesis and PhD Dissertation will be available on website for $5 or less each (plus shipping), or will be in either a University library or a public library.
- Professional Poet: PhD in Wordsmithing in the language of your poetry. Wordsmithing will be defined as the study of words in their meaning and context throughout the history of that period of the language–for example, Modern English. If you don’t list the language in your PhD that means you will never publish poetry in that language, unless in an unpublished works collection or personal essay. I will be writing only in Modern English so if I got this it would be a PhD in Wordsmithing in English. Someone else might get a PhD in Wordsmithing in English and Spanish.
- Professional Fiction-Writer or Novelist: PhD in Fiction Writing.
- Professional Freelance Essayist: PhD in Essay Writing. Anyone can publish an essay if introduced by a journalist. The following will be able to publish essays without a journalist introducing them: PhD’s in any field, business owners (sole or partial) at the Microbusiness or higher level, the self-employed, anyone in a healing or medical field, any educator, anyone authorized by their church or religion to do so, any professional artist or writer, anyone employed by a non-profit or think tank, and all elected officials. Government employees who don’t fit into one of the above categories can publish essays as part of an official government release, with or without an introduction by a journalist. So the PhD in Essay Writing is to describe yourself as a professional freelance essayist, instead of as a journalist.
- Professional Writer of Nonfiction: PhD in that subject. This means all books you release will have at least 1-2 chapters in that subject area, even if it is in an appendix. So if you are breaking a story not in your field, you will have to add 1-2 chapters at the end in an appendix that relates the material to your field.
- Journalism: BA in English or History with a major or minor in American Studies. Other journalism or communication degrees are optional.
Hopefully, this will help us to be taken more seriously, seem smart, and get welfare benefits like everyone else. One day, we will–God Willing–get our legal rights too.
Thanks, Lilly Lekhan, Poet and Founder of The Sweetest Art List